The Magic of Ditching Your Morning Ritual

Do you have a morning ritual? I do. And it doesn’t include meditation, a gratitude journal, or a liver cleansing shot of apple cider vinegar that would make you want to go back to bed. No, I don’t fill my morning with a bunch of rituals that will supposedly “empower my day” or “change my life.”

I get up, feed the cat before she has a stroke from her self-imposed panic about food. I make myself a damn good cup of coffee using my Aeropress. I unload the dishwasher if it needs it. Then, to the couch, I go. I check email from my phone and sometimes post to social media. I watch the news occasionally. The cat makes her way to my lap after her breakfast and we snuggle for a solid hour before I get moving.

Some days I change it up and drink matcha instead of coffee or write a blog post if I’m feeling particularly inspired.

I don’t visualize my day. I don’t do a tea meditation. I don’t meditate (I was just asleep for 8.5 hours!). I don’t rehearse affirmations. I don’t do a daily reading (unless you count scrolling my Pinterest feed).

It’s not that these things couldn’t be good for me. Here’s why I don’t do them:

Before I got sick, my life was just one big to-do list.

I thought that getting more done meant that I was successful, responsible, and good. And if I was all those things, then I would be loved and accepted. Pretty soon, I twisted this to mean that I was only worthy if I was working hard and getting shit done.

My to-do lists fed an illusion of worthiness. But unfortunately, it was never real and the feeling never lasted.

Furthermore, I didn’t know I was doing this. I didn’t have another way to feel worthy so I kept feeding the illusion - until it made me sick and the pain in my body literally kept me from doing it.

When I got sick, all I wanted to do was get better. So I turned my life into another to-do list. It was filled with remedies, spiritual practices, new doctors, more therapy, and affirmations. Again, I got trapped in the same vicious loop trying to control everything.

Eventually, a therapist helped me realize how dangerous this was to my health and well-being. I also began to understand where this came from. It was a childhood survival skill, and while it might have worked for me then, it wasn’t working now.

Now I’m easier on myself. I do some basic things to stay healthy and I try to stay consistent with those things. But as soon as I start making lists, I know it’s time to take a pause and notice what I might be chasing or trying to control.

In what ways can you be easier on yourself? What would it be like to get rid of to-do lists? What rituals add to your life and which ones need to go?

Exploring how these themes resonate in your own life? Therapy can be a place to unpack, find clarity, and move forward in a way that feels true to you. If you’re interested in seeing how we might work together, please review my specializations in the “About You” menu at the top of the page. I work with women in Seattle and across Washington State.