Enjoying Holiday Meals Without Shame
Enjoying Holiday Meals Without Shame
Holiday meals are meant to be a time for connection and celebration, but for many, they come with an undercurrent of stress and self-doubt. The mix of family gatherings, food-centric traditions, and unspoken expectations can make navigating the table feel overwhelming, especially if you struggle with body image or food-related anxiety.
The good news? You can rewrite this narrative for yourself. By approaching holiday meals with self-compassion and intention, you can quiet the noise of diet culture and reclaim the joy these moments are meant to bring.
Understanding the Roots of Holiday Food Shame
Holiday meals are complicated. On one hand, we’re encouraged to indulge—after all, it’s the season for treats and big family feasts. On the other hand, there’s an undercurrent of judgment: comments about weight, food choices, and what’s “healthy” or “too much” sneak their way into conversations.
This tension often stems from diet culture, a system of beliefs that moralizes food and bodies, assigning value to people based on what they eat and how they look. It’s no surprise that the holidays, with their abundance of food and social gatherings, can magnify these messages.
For many, family dynamics also play a role. Generational attitudes toward weight and food are often passed down through comments like, “Are you sure you need seconds?” or “I’m being so bad eating this pie.” These messages, whether intentional or not, can create an environment where food feels more like a battleground than a source of nourishment and joy.
How to Tune Down Diet Culture Noise
Challenge the Guilt Mindset
The idea that certain foods are “bad” or that you need to “earn” your meal is a hallmark of diet culture. Instead of labeling foods as good or bad, practice viewing all foods as neutral. Eating a cookie doesn’t make you a bad person, just as eating a salad doesn’t make you a good one.A helpful mantra: “Food is fuel and joy—it’s okay to enjoy it.”
Be Mindful of Your Triggers
Whether it’s a relative commenting on your plate or social media influencers posting about "burning off" holiday meals, recognize what makes you feel uneasy. Create a plan to protect your peace, such as limiting time on social media, steering conversations away from food, or excusing yourself from triggering discussions.Reframe the Purpose of the Meal
Focus on what the meal represents: connection, tradition, and celebration. Shifting your attention to these aspects can help you detach from the pressure to eat a certain way or look a certain way.
Setting Boundaries
For many, the hardest part of holiday meals isn’t the food—it’s the commentary. You might hear things like:
“I know I shouldn’t eat this, but…?”
“I wish I had your metabolism.”
“I’ll start my diet tomorrow.”
These comments can feel personal and invasive, but remember: they often reflect the speaker’s own struggles with food and body image, not yours.
Here’s how you can respond:
Redirect: “Let’s talk about something more fun—how’s that house project going?”
Set a boundary: “I’m focusing on enjoying the holiday. Are you cool with not making comments about food or weight?”
Exit the conversation: If it feels too overwhelming, it’s okay to step away and take a breather.
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a powerful act of self-care.
Rediscovering Joy at the Table
Enjoying food without shame is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. Here are some ways to start:
Eat What You Love
You’re an adult, and you have the freedom to eat what you enjoy. Choose the foods you love and skip the ones you don’t—it’s that simple. If others at the table have their own food rules, remind yourself that their rules don’t apply to you. Whether it’s a slice of pie or a special dish you only get once a year, allow yourself to fully enjoy it without overthinking.Know What Matters
Your values serve as a blueprint for navigating situations that might otherwise feel overwhelming. For example, if your focus at a holiday event is on connection rather than the food, let that guide your actions. Engage in meaningful conversations, soak in the atmosphere, and remind yourself that the meal is just one part of the experience. If eating healthfully is a value you hold dear, use that as your north star to choose foods that make you feel nourished and energized.There are no right or wrong, good or bad values—what matters is that they are meaningful to you. Honoring your “why” not only eases the stress around food but also allows you to approach holiday meals with a sense of purpose and confidence.
Embody Moira
It’s not easy to enjoy your food when you feel like others are watching or critiquing your every bite. But here’s the thing: their judgments are about them, not you. You can’t control what people think, but you can control how much space you give their opinions in your mind.
When faced with judgment, consider this: what would someone like Moira Rose from Schitt’s Creek do? She’d probably raise an eyebrow, take another sip of her champagne, and let their opinions roll off her sequined shoulders. You don’t have to become Moira, but you can borrow her energy. She remind us of the power of not giving a damn and staying focused on what matters to us.
If your values are about enjoying the food, connecting with loved ones, having fun, and feeling festive, let those guide you. You have the choice to focus on what brings you joy rather than obsessing over someone else’s opinions. Think about how much richer your experience will be if you don’t let their judgment rob you of the moment.
The next time you feel someone’s eyes on your plate, take a deep breath and ask yourself: “What do I want to get out of this meal?” Then go ahead and enjoy every bite, every laugh, and every memory being made.
Therapy Can Help You Heal
If food and body shame feel overwhelming, therapy can provide a safe space to unpack these feelings. Body image therapy and body acceptance therapy can help you identify and challenge the beliefs that keep you stuck in cycles of guilt and self-criticism.
Through therapy, you can develop tools to navigate triggering situations—like holiday meals—with greater confidence and ease. You can also start to untangle the generational messages about food and body that no longer serve you, creating a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Final Thoughts
The holidays don’t have to be defined by food anxiety or shame. By setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and challenging diet culture, you can reclaim your experience at the table and enjoy the season for what it is: a time to celebrate, connect, and nourish yourself in every sense of the word.
If you’re ready to take steps toward healing your relationship with food and body image, I’d love to help. Learn more about my Seattle body image therapy and online therapy for body acceptance services, and let’s work together to create a holiday season filled with peace and joy.
“Oh, darling, I hadn’t realized we were hosting the Food Police this evening. How novel! Tell me, do you moonlight as a culinary critic, or is this unfiltered commentary reserved exclusively for family gatherings?”
(Pauses dramatically, takes a sip of wine, and leans in with a conspiratorial smile)
"You see, dear, I’ve decided that this evening shall be about pleasure, not penitence. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be savoring this delightful pecan pie without a shred of remorse. Feel free to join me in the joy of the season—or not, as is your prerogative."
(Moira resumes her meal with dramatic flair, entirely unbothered, leaving the table slightly stunned and undoubtedly impressed.)
Exploring how these themes resonate in your own life? Therapy can be a place to unpack, find clarity, and move forward in a way that feels true to you. If you’re interested in seeing how we might work together, here are a few areas I specialize in: Therapy for Women, Therapy for Chronic Illness, Therapy for Body Acceptance. I provide online therapy for women in Washington state.
