How to Turn Despair into Hope

When clients first come to therapy, they’ve often reached the depths of despair. Their illness has taken control of nearly everything, and they feel certain that their circumstances will never change. 

Chronic illness has a way of really knocking you around. There are a lot of terrible days, countless disappointments, and so much you cannot control, even when you try your hardest. It’s challenging to stay optimistic when you experience blow after blow.

As much as you yearn for hope, it doesn’t feel obtainable. After so many letdowns, your mind gets conditioned to stay alert for the next catastrophe. It wants you to be prepared, so it feeds you one negative thought after another in an attempt to keep you armored up and ready for battle. That’s why you feel despair - it’s like having a drill sergeant yelling down your back 24/7.

What’s worse is that you take all these experiences, collect them into an internal data bank, and use them to justify a thought that says the world is plotting to harm you. You don’t just think everything is against you; you believe it. 

I hear it in statements like this:

“I’m just waiting for something bad to happen.” 

”My body is constantly betraying me.”

”Nothing ever goes right.”

”I might as well stop trying.”

”The world is against me.”

”I’ll never get better.”

If we despair, we believe all is finished and have nothing to live for. If we hope, however, we maintain both an acceptance of our circumstances and a belief in the possibility that real improvement can occur.

When my persistent symptoms sent me down a tunnel of despair, I could see that there wasn’t much value in investing in my negative thoughts. I remember challenging my own line of thinking: Just because I think everything is against me doesn’t make it so! 

Instead of believing the world was plotting to do me harm, I chose to assume that the world was conspiring to do me good. Instead of seeing every challenging event as a negative, I saw it for what it could be; something meant to enrich me or move me in a positive direction.

I realize it’s a frightening proposition. It might feel scary to embrace the idea that you don’t need to believe everything you think.

Let’s put this concept into practice. 

When this shows up: “I’m just waiting for something bad to happen.” 
Try this: “I trust the process of life. I am safe.”

When this shows up: “My body is constantly betraying me.” 
Try this: “I rejoice in my body. It is a beautiful expression of life, flowing perfectly at all times.”

When this shows up: “Nothing ever goes right.” 
Try this: “I am completely open to life and to joy. I choose to see with love.”

When this shows up: “I might as well stop trying.” 
Try this: “I give myself permission to be all that I can be, and I deserve the very best in life.”

When this shows up: “The world is against me.” 
Try this: “I am the power and authority in my world. I am at peace.”

When this shows up: “I’ll never get better.” 
Try this: “I will go beyond my fears and limitations. I create my life.”

You don’t even need to change or challenge your negative thoughts. If you’ve decided that you’re not going to invest in every thought, then you’ve essentially removed the power from them. They can show up without harming you.

Put it into practice:

If a life-draining thought enters your mind, first notice it. See it for what it is: Words and pictures floating around in your mind. Don’t get all entangled in it.

Next, bring another thought to mind. You cooked up the original thought, so why not cook up another one? Come up with a more empowering thought, like the examples above.

You can choose to believe that you are safe. You can choose to believe that you can have the very best life. You can choose to believe that you are at peace. 

Take the approach that everything and everyone that shows up in your life moves you toward learning, growth, and wisdom. You’ll begin to see every event - no matter how challenging - as a chance to improve your life.