What? You're Not Happy All the Time?!
For the next 10 seconds I want you to NOT think about a pink flamingo. No, I mean it. Don't think about a pink flamingo. Or a blue one either. STOP IT! Don't even put that image in your mind.
Did you do it?
Now let's try again. DO NOT think about a purple hippo dancing on a red fire engine with a green party hat on his head. I said, DO NOT think about that!
You couldn't control your thoughts! What's wrong with you?
Nothing is wrong with you!
Controlling our thoughts is like herding cats – near impossible!
Our society loves to preach the gospel of positivity: Replace sad thoughts with happy ones! Write down what you're grateful for! Ignore the bad stuff!
But let's face it, life isn't always rainbows and sunshine.
If you're dealing with a mental or physical illness you might have heard the classic "just keep fighting" line. Friends and family may offer well-meaning but misguided advice, urging you to "stay positive" or "it'll get better." But what if you're not feeling positive? What if you're scared, sad, or just plain exhausted?
Here's the truth: You're not defective for feeling this way. It's okay to have uncomfortable emotions. In fact, it's normal! The things that matter most in life often come with a rollercoaster of feelings – both good and bad.
Our society has painted a picture-perfect image of happiness and well-adjustedness. But the reality is that trying to be happy all the time is like chasing a rainbow. You might catch glimpses of it, but it always seems to slip away.
Enter Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
This approach encourages us to ACCEPT our thoughts and feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. Instead of running from them or trying to change them, we learn to sit with them. When we stop struggling against our thoughts, they lose their power over us.
Here’s how it works: Imagine your mind is like a river, constantly flowing with thoughts and emotions. Some of these thoughts are pleasant, like a gentle stream on a sunny day. Others are more tumultuous, resembling a raging current during a storm.
When we try to control or suppress these thoughts and feelings, it's like trying to dam the river. We build walls of resistance, hoping to stop the flow of unwanted thoughts and emotions. But just like a river, the more we resist, the stronger the current becomes. The pressure builds, and eventually, the dam breaks, flooding us with even more intensity.
In this struggle, we not only amplify the power of these thoughts and feelings, but we also decrease our tolerance for pain. We spend an exorbitant amount of time, energy, and attention building the dam, trying desperately to hold back the torrent of emotions. So much so, that it's hard to focus on other things that are important to us. Pretty soon, life becomes about the dam itself, consuming our thoughts and energy, overshadowing our relationships, work, hobbies, and even our health. We find ourselves trapped in a cycle of resistance, unable to fully engage in the richness of life around us.
On the other hand, when we practice acceptance, it's like allowing the river to flow freely. We stop trying to dam it up or divert its course. Instead, we observe the thoughts and feelings as they come and go, like leaves floating down the river.
In this state of acceptance, we create space between ourselves and our thoughts. We realize that thoughts are just thoughts—they are not facts, and they do not define us. Emotions are transient, like passing clouds in the sky. By simply observing them without judgment or resistance, we rob them of their power.
When we stop struggling against our thoughts and feelings, we no longer feed them with our energy. We let them pass through our minds like leaves on the river, knowing that they will eventually drift away. This shift in perspective allows us to respond to our experiences with clarity and equanimity, rather than being swept away by the current of our emotions.
In essence, by letting go of the struggle, we reclaim control over our minds. We become the calm observer, watching the ebb and flow of thoughts and feelings without being swept away. This sense of inner peace and freedom is the gift of acceptance.
Closing Thoughts
So the next time a pesky thought or feeling creeps in, try this: Acknowledge it. Thank your mind for trying to protect you. And then, simply let it be. No need to engage in a mental tug-of-war.
Remember, it's okay to not be okay. Embrace the full spectrum of your emotions, and you'll find a newfound sense of freedom and peace. After all, life is a messy, beautiful journey – pink elephants and all.
