Are You Feeding Pain with More Pain?

There is a legendary Cherokee tale that inspires me everyday. It goes something like this: An old grandfather tells his grandson that there are two wolves that live inside him and battle one another to control his life. One is noble and good and the other is dark and evil.

The grandson asks his grandfather, "which one wins?" 

To which the grandfather simply replies, "the one I feed."

Each of us has these two wolves running around inside of us and are fed constantly by our own thoughts. You probably have a lot of wolves inside you. You probably have wolves that tell you you're competent, capable, and hard-working. They know you are courageous, conscientious, and a great cook. Conversely, you also have wolves that howl things like "you're not smart enough," or "you're not good enough." They tell you you're inflexible, close-minded, and not compassionate enough.  Wolves become combative. How can one thing feel true and something completely contradictory also feel true?

I read somewhere that the life span of any feeling is 1 1/2 minutes. After that, we need to give it energy to keep it going. We need to feed it. 

We feed it by attaching to it, telling ourselves stories about it, playing out scenarios based on it, and nourishing it with our attention. So the more you think about and dwell upon the thoughts that bring discomfort and fear, the more these thoughts and feelings appear in your life.

So which wolf do you feed? And what happens to the wolf you don't feed?  

This is what life is all about - at any given time our choices send us into any given direction. And the battle between the two wolves rarely is just one life-altering decision. It takes place in a myriad of seemingly harmless choices that happen from moment to moment throughout the day. Life is an endless series of decisive moments, and they determine who we are, what our life stands for, what our legacy is, and how we will be remembered.  

So let's say you feed the "good" wolf; the one that seems to be leading you to a values-driven life. Does the other wolf just go away?  Sorry. No.

The other wolf is probably going to hang around. But the more you you train yourself to pay attention to the wolf that guides you to valued-living, the less power the other wolf will have in your life. Pretty soon, the other wolf will be nothing more than "just words and pictures in your head." These messages aren't rules for living. They are just thoughts.

Think of it this way: You are driving down the road and you see a billboard advertising a new bank that just opened in your town. You're happy with your current bank so you drive on by, not paying attention to the billboard. Eventually you forget about it, and the billboard had no adverse affect on your life at all. Can thoughts be like that? Can we just move right by them? Can we let them go without giving them any power?

Our minds are constantly producing millions and millions of thoughts every day. And not all of those thoughts are useful or wise. You get to decide which thoughts to listen to. You are not your thoughts and your thoughts are not who you are. They are just thoughts, roaming freely around in your mind. Listen to the wolf that cares about your well-being. That wolf is worth feeding.