Acceptance - What it is and How to Get it
How often do you find yourself annoyed by someone or something?
Your body?
Your busy schedule?
Your spouse or coworker?
Your job?
Your kids?
Perhaps the better question is, “when was the last time you weren’t annoyed by one of these things?”
I like to think of myself as an open and accepting person, but I’m irritated with at least two people in my life right now, not counting the two women who didn’t make room on the sidewalk for me on my walk this morning. I’m irritated with this skin condition that I have no explanation for and won’t go away. My obnoxiously loud and needy cat drives me nuts. I also wish someone would come and clean my house. Annoyances everywhere.
I want to be more accepting. I want to be one of those people who can roll with the punches But it’s SO HARD.
This is non-acceptance: When you want something to be other than it is.
You might be wondering what’s wrong with that? We live in a world where a set of rules and expectations helps us to be more civil. Rules tell us what is appropriate behavior for a given context. I mean, what would the world come to if we didn’t drive inside the lines or exchange pleasantries with the grocery checker?
It’s true that we need some rules for living. This isn’t the problem.
The problem lies in gripping tightly to the expectation that everyone will follow your rules or that life will just work out in the exact way that you planned. What if we held these expectations more lightly?
Acceptance is just that. Holding your expectations lightly so that you can be more flexible and adaptive when things don’t go your way.
Want to practice acceptance? I have provided five elements to add to your acceptance practice. Remember, it’s a practice. Be patient with yourself and stay committed to your practice, even when it’s hard.
5 Ways to Practice Acceptance:
Observe your thoughts
Notice what you're thinking about. Our minds are wired to evaluate and assess (i.e. judge) without us even realizing it. It's looking for danger, even when there isn't any. Pay more attention to your thoughts and when something judgy or rigid pops up, don't push it away. Rather notice what your mind did and choose to not get wrapped up in it.
Stay curious
Non-acceptance is usually about fear. Instead of focusing on why something didn’t go your way, focus on what might cause someone to act against your expectations or why something isn’t working out for you. For example, the guy who was taking FOREVER at the self-service machine at the post office today may have been using the machine for the first time, could have been exhausted from working all night, or just keeps a slower life pace than me. All of those things are acceptable!
See the world in gray
It's very tempting to see the world in black and white with a right and wrong way to do things. Things don't have to be right or wrong if you choose to accept them as they are. Stop labeling your way as "right" and start labeling things and people as "just different."
Be nice to yourself
Our judgments of others are often a result of our personal criticisms. If you didn't put so much pressure on yourself to do things perfectly, you’d stop getting so irritated when others do things in a different way. Not judging yourself is a crucial step to acceptance of others.
Reverse the situation
Ask yourself: What if someone were judging me and not accepting me? How would I feel? Keep these questions in mind the next time you're not accepting others.
