Do you have a morning ritual? I do. And it doesn’t include meditation, a gratitude journal, or a liver cleansing shot of apple cider vinegar that would make you want to go back to bed. No, I don’t fill my morning with a bunch of rituals that will supposedly “empower my day” or “change my life.”

I get up, feed the cat before she has a stroke from her self-imposed panic about food. I make myself a damn good cup of coffee using my Aeropress. I unload the dishwasher if it needs it. Then, to the couch, I go. I check email from my phone and sometimes post to social media. I watch the news occasionally. The cat makes her way to my lap after her breakfast and we snuggle for a solid hour before I get moving.

Some days I change it up and drink matcha instead of coffee or write a blog post if I’m feeling particularly inspired.

I don’t visualize my day. I don’t do a tea meditation. I don’t meditate (I was just asleep for 8.5 hours!). I don’t rehearse affirmations. I don’t do a daily reading (unless you count scrolling my Pinterest feed).

It’s not that these things couldn’t be good for me. Here’s why I don’t do them:

Before I got sick, my life was just one big to-do list.

I thought that getting more done meant that I was successful, responsible, and good. And if I was all those things, then I would be loved and accepted. Pretty soon, I twisted this to mean that I was only worthy if I was working hard and getting shit done.

My to-do lists fed an illusion of worthiness. But unfortunately, it was never real and the feeling never lasted.

Furthermore, I didn’t know I was doing this. I didn’t have another way to feel worthy so I kept feeding the illusion - until it made me sick and the pain in my body literally kept me from doing it.

When I got sick, all I wanted to do was get better. So I turned my life into another to-do list. It was filled with remedies, spiritual practices, new doctors, more therapy, and affirmations. Again, I got trapped in the same vicious loop trying to control everything.

Eventually, a therapist helped me realize how dangerous this was to my health and well-being. I also began to understand where this came from. It was a childhood survival skill, and while it might have worked for me then, it wasn’t working now.

Now I’m easier on myself. I do some basic things to stay healthy and I try to stay consistent with those things. But as soon as I start making lists, I know it’s time to take a pause and notice what I might be chasing or trying to control.

In what ways can you be easier on yourself? What would it be like to get rid of to-do lists? What rituals add to your life and which ones need to go?