It's not easy to see other people looking healthy and well, enjoying things you can't.

Here's something I learned from Toni Bernhard, the author of How to Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness. This has helped me change my relationship with envy and jealousy, so I can be more compassionate towards myself and others.

Underneath envy and jealousy is a desire. You want something to be different.

Go ahead and name that thing... Perhaps it's many things?

Do you want...

• To do things you used to do, like hike, bike, or run?

• To eat whatever you want to eat without it causing symptoms or flares?

• To not worry about how your illness will get in the way of your day?

• To feel less fatigued so you can accomplish more?

• To have the freedom to be spontaneous?

• To travel?

• To stop seeing so many doctors?

• To go back to your career?

• To not stress about money?

• All of the above?

Your desire is valid. Go ahead and acknowledge that. Maybe say something like, "it's okay that I want to live with less suffering."

Wanting to live a full and vital life free from pain and suffering is totally acceptable and normal.

Your desire has nothing to do with the person you are jealous of. They represent something you want. It's not personal. They're just a target for your feelings.

Separate your feelings from the target and take responsibility for them. Acknowledge that your feelings are yours to own.

Then do this: Extend some well-wishes to the person you are jealous of.

The loving-kindness meditation provides a beautiful way to do this. Repeat to yourself:

Just as I wish to, may you live with ease, happiness, and good health.

Just as I wish to, may you live with ease, happiness, and good health.

Just as I wish to, may you live with ease, happiness, and good health.

Soon, you will feel your heart soften. You'll be able to honor your needs without taking it out on other people.