As a therapist, I have clients come into my office and say, "I don't have anything to talk about," or "nothing happened this week." I know that's probably not true. You didn't walk around this week like an unthinking unfeeling zombie, and even if you did stay in bed all day and did nothing, you probably had some conversations in your head. But what might be happening is that you ran into my office after a hectic day at work, late because you couldn't find parking, and now you're sitting in a quiet room with me, and expected to delve deep into your psyche. It's not that you don't have anything to talk about; it's that you didn't come prepared for our session and your mind is too amped up to open up. So we spend the first half of the session talking about the minutiae of this past week and have very little time to engage in a process that's helpful to you.

We all live busy lives and sometimes we can't control work meetings that run late or the lack of parking, but you can do a few things to get more out of your therapy experience.

Make Therapy a Part of Your Life

Attend every session, show up on time, and keep a consistent schedule. Keep a standing appointment with your therapist so that you've ensured a spot every week in her schedule, and so you're held accountable for the work. Also, think about therapy when you're not in session and write down thoughts or other topics that come up for you. Remember, therapy is a big investment and you'll see more progress if you commit fully to everything it can offer you.

Do the Homework

If you're getting homework, it's a sign that your therapist is committed to the work and helping you achieve your goals. If you don't do the homework, you might as well press the pause button on your therapy process, unless of course, you are willing to bring to therapy a discussion about why you didn't do the homework. There's information in that as well. If you're avoiding homework because it's asking you to do something uncomfortable, please consider the information in the next paragraph.

Commit to the Challenges

Therapy won't be easy. Even though we start therapy seeking change, change is often far more difficult than we anticipated. You wouldn't be in therapy if your own strategies were working, so expect to be shown some new ones. Your therapist will help you get on a new path. You may not be able to see what's at the end of the path or what kinds of obstacles you'll face along the way, but remember, it's not the same old path and your therapist is traveling it right along side you. Have faith in the process, trust that challenges are a sign of change, and be patient. 

Take Care of Yourself

Have you ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Maslow proposed that people are motivated to achieve certain needs, so when our need for food, shelter, and clothing (basic) are met, we move on to the next level of needs (safety). And the desire to fill a need becomes stronger the longer it is denied. I work from a similar perspective. I propose that if you aren't getting enough sleep and you expect therapy to cure your depression, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. If you're drinking caffeine, alcohol or smoking and expecting your anxiety to go away with therapy, you've got another thing coming. Therapy will only be helpful when you satisfy your more basic needs of adequate nutrition, good sleep, hydration, time outside, and exercise. I also recommend seeing a Naturopathic physician or Functional Medicine practitioner to rule out any medical, neurological, hormonal, or genetic issues that may be impacting your mental health.

Communicate Your Needs

Tired of therapy? Ticked off at your therapist? Wondering where to go next with the work? Need more appointment times? Experiencing financial strain and can't afford therapy? Talk to your therapist. As your therapist, I have a duty to help you. And I take that responsibility very seriously. But I'm not a mind reader (I'd probably have a different career if I was), so I need you to tell me what you need. I can't promise that your own therapist will handle your request well, but consider it an opportunity to move your therapy or the therapeutic relationship in a more workable direction. If you're afraid to make a request, just tell your therapist you're afraid to make the request! If your therapist doesn't handle it with care and ease, maybe it's time for a new therapist. 

Go Deeper

I once spent an entire year in therapy talking about nothing. I don't remember anything about that experience other than I wanted to look like the totally put-together diligently aware person that I had always fought so hard to be. And I wasted an entire year's worth of work holding up that persona, which was terribly exhausting, by the way. He praised me every week, and validated my feelings and when I left I blamed him for not helping me deal with the intense anxiety I was having about my relationship, or why we never talked about my parents' divorce. My advice to you is, expose yourself. Believe me, your therapist has probably seen some of most mentally ill people on this planet; he or she is not judging you. 

End Therapy Thoughtfully

You have the right to leave therapy at any time, but it's important to honor the work you've done, as well as the therapeutic relationship that has developed. So when you are ready to end therapy, please let your therapist know early on so that you can start the termination process. (Yes, it's a process.) After the discussion about ending therapy, a date will be chosen, usually many weeks out. In the meantime, we will review goals and progress, allow time for any questions you have, review techniques and skills learned, and explore how you're feeling about ending. Your therapist may provide you with resources or other referrals that might help in your transition, and a final session ends the process. Why do we do this? Because we want termination to feel more like a graduation than a sad, abrupt, or complicated loss for you. Ideally, you can have satisfying closure to therapy and this will help you end relationships well in the future. 

Exploring how these themes resonate in your own life? Therapy can be a place to unpack, find clarity, and move forward in a way that feels true to you. If you’re interested in seeing how we might work together, here are a few areas I specialize in: Therapy for Women, Therapy for Chronic Illness, Therapy for Body Acceptance.